The end of 2009. I just can't believe it. Where is my life going? I can literally see day by day my kids getting older and slipping away little by little. it is a very painful process. i know its late tonight, its one oclock, and I know that late at night my emotions are closer to the surface than at any other time.
We have had a family "incident" for lack of a better word a few days ago by an extended family member, and it has left a big scar on my heart, and a lot of anger there too and a most unwillingness to forgive. What do you do in a situation like this?
Me and kaleb had a totally out of the blue conversation on christmas day about having another baby, him wanting one, me, still not.... but I feel like I am hurting him. How can I deny the person I love something he wants so much??
I have been thinking about how celine is going to be 13 in about six weeks, and that she only has 5 more years left at home, I can barely even write about it my heart hurts so much. my time with her is slipping away. how am I going to protect my children from this horrible world we live in?
these are the thoughts heavy on my mind tonight and for the last few days. Hopefully tomorrow I will go and get myself a journal and then I will have somewhere I can pour out my thoughts into without fear. but tonight, i needed this therapy.
5 comments:
I still blog, just not as much. But I agree no one is doing it anymore it seems. I don't know why because it is so much fun to read about peoples lives and catch up in ways that you can't when you run into them at the mall for 5 minutes. Keep blogging because you will look back and be glad that you do. I know that when I do it I am glad and I know the people that read my blog do as well.
I am also sorry that you are going thru a hard time with a family member that sucks, not fun at all. But remember you have YOUR family and that is the most important and with saying that it is okay for you not to want a baby and Kaleb too. I am in the same boat, but know that until both of you agree that maybe one of you know the right reason not to and you have to trust each other and agree together. Maybe it just isn't the right time right now or never and in the future he will appreciate you for this.
Love you and know you can always vent to me.
I read your blog every time you post something. Yes, It does seem people have stopped blogging. (Myself included. I just have been "out of commission" the last little while but hope to get back into it)
I feel stressed for you to see Celine grow up. That just blows me away! Why do our children have to do that?
As far as the baby thing goes, i hope I didn't do anything to trigger that? Wink, wink!
But, I totally understand your reasoning for not wanting to have another baby. (That being said, no one would be more excited than me for you if you were to have one!!)
Like I've always said, You are Luke and I'm Kaleb. I'm the one begging for the kids and Luke is the one putting the Kabosh on it!
Fortunately, women tend to be more in tune with these decisions. And therefor you know if its right for you or not. Kaleb will just have to love mine.
Love you and hope you're doing well!!
Blogging is slowing a bit - kind of sad that Facebook has taken over. I do read your blog and enjoy it. Sounds like you've got a big decision at had. Good Luck, everything will work out.
I read your blog too. I have just gotten bad at leaving comments. Keep posting.
I am still blogging. It hasjust been hard to fd the time these days. I am sorry you are having a hard time. I know how hard it is to see your baby girl growning up before your eyes. You are a great mom and Celine is a geat girl. All will be fine. When it comes to the having a baby situation, as you know, Jeff and I are in the same place. Only I a the one who wants one more and h does not. I can feel Kaleb's pain,I feel like I a giving up something that is VERY important to me, and Jeff doesn't care about my pain. At the same time I can see his point. Pregnancy is not my finest time o life d if I forced him into another baby he wa resent me an te baby. It is a very hard place to be. I wish I had great words of wisdom, but I don't. When Jeff and I were talking about having Charlie we spent a lot of time at the Temple and in prayer.
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