Reflection

It is madness and chaos at my house right now. Tage is having his 12th birthday party. He has 4 friends over for an all-nighter. Kaleb set up two tv's so they could all battle at HALO together. They are beyond thrilled. So, I am taking this moment to reflect on the last 12 years of my sons life. I can't help but wonder where the years have gone. My once little boy is now a teenager.  My heart is so full, but there is not much I can put into words. Just an overwhelming feeling of how much I love him. Of how I miss his as my little bubby. But how proud of him as a young man I am. He is getting ordained on sunday. It will be so awesome to have TWO priesthood holders in our home. Next tuesday he will come to mutual with me and celine. I can hardly wrap my head around it. I think of all the things coming-jr. high especially. I feel like I just did this with celine, and now, here it is tages turn.  I never believed when I was a teenager when moms said how fast time goes by. Boy, do I believe it now. I remember holding him in the hospital for the first time. I remember knowing as soon as I found out I was pregnant that he was going to be a boy. I remember big hands and feet and skinny little chicken legs.  I remember so much of him growing up, but I also know there is so much I have forgotten. Every day moments with him that I didn't appreciate. I regret not holding onto those moments longer.  As much as I love the young man he is turning into, a part of me will always miss the little boy that he was. The one that melted my heart with his big brown eyes.

Tage-I cannot imagine my life without you. I can't imagine not having a son, to experience so many things I have never experiences before.  Thank you for those precious every day moments, I will try to hold onto them longer. Happy 12th birthday! I love you more than you could possibly know!!!

Tuesdays...

I just want to give you a little taste to what my tuesdays are like. They are by far my busiest, most tiring day of the week. Wednesdays are semi-busy, so every time thursday comes around I am so happy to have some downtime.

Here was my tuesday yesterday.

Get up at 830.

Get aliah dressed, hair done, make sure tage is ready, send kids out the door to school at 9:05(I don't have to drive this week! :)

9:30-crossfit. I ran a mile, did 12 back squats(increasing weight, up to 90lb.), then did 2 min of sit-ups.

10:30-come home, shower real quick, do hair and makeup.

11:30- meet Nina at taco amigo for our weekly lunch date. :)

1:00- come home, clean up a bit.

1:00- visiting teaching-3:00.

3:00-come home and read for 20 min

3:30-kids come home, hurry get aliah dressed for dance, leave for dance.

4:00-drop aliah off.

Run to mall, exchange tages shoes, shop a few more minutes

5:00-pick up aliah

on the way home I had to stop and pick up my vacuum that has been broken for 2 months, happy day!!

Usually on tuesdays at 530 I have to take tage to tutoring, but celine took him for me since I was picking up the vaccuum. Thank heaven for 16 year olds!!!

Come home. Contemplate  making dinner. Today, I am so tired, I can't even make myself get off the couch. So at 6:30 kaleb says he will pick up tage and get some dinner. Love, love, love that man.

7:00-time for Young woman's.

8:45- get home, get kids ready for bed, clean up the kitchen and any other messes. Help celine with her answering to prom(I will post that later!)

10pm.-FINALLY, me and kaleb got into the hot tub. I am sore, tired, exhausted.

That is a typical tuesday. :)

Blessings.

I feel really strongly that I need to blog about some experiences that I have had in the last little while. The first one has to do with aliah. Almost a month ago, she woke up one morning and couldn't find her itouch anywhere. She had just gotten it for christmas so she hasn't even had it that long. We looked everywhere. She was so upset, crying and crying as we looked. I finally pulled her aside and told her, I want you to go say a prayer that we will find it, then I want you to leave it up to Heavenly Father and I don't want you to worry about it anymore. So she went in her room, knelt down and said a prayer. When she came out she was smiling. She told me she felt better and she knew we would find it. I sent her off to school and then offered up my own prayer. I knew this could be a great testimony building experience for aliah, if it was meant that we would find it. but I also knew that there was a chance that we wouldnt find it. Even as an adult, my faith is sometimes weak. All day I  looked everywhere in the house and I was starting to worry. Right before she got home from school I had a very distinct prompting that when she got home I needed to look in her backpack. The first thing she asked when she got home was if I had found it. I told her no, then I remembered that I needed to look in her backpack. And are you even surprised that it was in there?? Aliah went and said another prayer of thanks. And I did too. It was such a great experience for both of us.
Since January, we have seriously had one financial crisis after another. My medical bills, one of our condos had water damage/mold which means replacing lots of walls, carpet ect....Kaleb bought me my beautiful new car, which I am totally in love with, but, hey, it wasn't free. Then celines car had problems, which we fixed SOME of them and still more needing to be fixed. I stress about $$ so much, but I know that Kaleb bears the brunt of it himself. Poor guy. I always feel guilty. I don't know anyone who works harder than he does. Anyways.....2 weeks ago when I had to take celines car in, kaleb called to tell me that it was almost a thousand dollar repair. WTH????  I was driving in my car when I talked to kaleb, I was by myself. When I hung up with him I just prayed out loud to Heavenly Father. I told him that whatever lesson we were needing to learn from all this financial stress, could he please help us learn it fast?? I was feeling very frustrated, and guilty, and stressed. I hate feeling this way, especially since I don't know what to do to help. When I got home I got on Facebook, and someone had posted this scripture:
Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. 
In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. 
-Proverbs 3:5-6
It hit me so hard, I knew that scripture had been put there for me. It was my own small little miracle and answer to a prayer. I instantly felt better. Our troubles didn't go away, but I stopped being afraid.
Well, fast forward to today. Kaleb had boughten a Lowes gift card from his brother that had a few hundred dollars on it, because one of our condos we rent needs a new dishwasher. I got a text from kaleb asking me if I had seen the gift card because he couldnt find it. He guessed it must have fallen out of his wallet. You think I would know better than to lose faith, but I did, just for a minute. Because we just couldn't afford to lose that gift card and have to pay even more money for this dishwasher.  I started praying hard that we would be able to find the gift card, and then  I asked aliah if she would pray too. At that moment I knew she had a lot more faith than I did. I again, was driving in my car, alone. I felt so angry, so bitter. I was asking Heavenly Father what we had done wrong. We were trying to live a good life and be good people. I was frustrated that these things kept happening to us, I just felt that we couldn't deal with any more blows like this. I was driving around aimlessly just trying  to work out my feelings towards god and faith at this moment. I finally told him that I wasn't mad at him, that I knew that this was just part of life. That even if we didn't find that gift card, I would never lose my faith. I know it seems silly that at that moment I had to decide over such a small thing. But, in that moment, it did not feel small. Not 5 minutes later did kaleb text me and tell me that he had found it. I know, without a doubt, that God is involved in the small matters of our lives. That he knows us and loves us, each one of us.  I am reading back and thinking that yes, these seem like such small, insignificant moments, but they made a world of difference to me. I also feel a little ashamed that I doubted, even for a minute. But I am human and I make mistakes. I came home and felt that I needed to blog about these experiences as a way to express my gratitude, and also so that I can remember these moments. I know that life is hard, and will keep on being hard, but I am blessed. Beyond measure. Beyond what I deserve. My heart is so full.

These are the days of my life

So, I did my goals for February!! Hooray! Ok, I never got the WHOLE house super clean, but at least I did part of it. And this is the wreathe I made. Isn't it cute?? I am ridicuously proud of it. I am not a crafty person. But this turned out pretty dang cute. :)

 

 The week leading up to celines first date was pretty exciting, and a lot of emotions on my part! Now thats its done and over, I am glad. We painted her fingers and toes a day before. Her BFFs emma and emily came over the day of and helped her get ready and she let me do her hair. She looked so beautiful!

 Here is me and kaleb seeing her off on her first date. I was feeling very teary inside but I held it together! I was so excited for her. The whole date was a huge success and she had lots of fun. The boy she went with, Logan, was so cute and nice. Kaleb says that was a fake smile. :) He really wasn't happy about her going on a date. :)

 There were four of them that went together, Kaden and Valentina were the other couple. They did a mall scavenger hunt and lunch for the day date, then they went to Olive Garden for dinner and the dance was at Sleepy Ridge golf course.  I still have a hard time believing she is 16, but she is driving everywhere and has applied at a few places for a job and she seems to like it. 

 Tage had his 7th grade checkup and shots earlier this month. We register him this week for Jr. High. Another thing I just can't wrap my head around. He will be 12 in about 3 1/2 weeks. Oh man.

 Our friends gave us their jazz tickets one night so we took tage and aliah to the game. We always have a good time!

 Here are all my Young Woman. We took them to The Pizza Factory for pazookies for mutual and had some girl talk. I love these girls!!! I absolutely love being in Young Womans. Just keep me in there for life.

So, thats been my life in the last couple of weeks. Crazy, busy, fun, stressful. All bundled up into this thing I call my life.