Happy birthday to my awesome son tage!!!

8 years ago on march 30th I was not planning on having my 2nd child born that day. I was due on April 7th, and I went a week over with celine, so....But tage had been breech with his little head stuck right in my rib since I was about 5 months along( he came out with a big dent in his forehead, no kidding!) So on March 30th we went into the hospital to try to have him turned. For any of you that have never had that done, it is extremely painful!! I had to be hooked up  to a heart monitor for about 2 hours first to make sure that he wasn't in any kind of stress. Then they come in and manually try to turn the baby, but they only try for about 60 seconds. I felt like someone was grating metal on my hip bones! So, they tried to turn him and it wasnt working very well. Then the doctore turns to me and says " while we were trying to turn your baby he got stuck in a very awkward position. His head and his toes are touching, so we have decided that we need to do an emergency c-section on you."

Well, let me tell you that I was not expecting that at all! Within minutes I was lying mostly naked on a gurney while they were steralizing me and getting ready to give me my epidural. I wasn't ready at all and I had nothing with me!!! No hospital bag, no baby stuff, nothing!! So there I am lying on the gurney and Kaleb notices some young nurse guy just standing in the corner, so kaleb asks the doctor, who is that guy? And the doctor is like, oh that is just an intern, he wanted to come and watch, is that ok? And kalebs like, NO! my wife is naked here!!! good thing I have no memory of that. The c -section was scary and uncomfortable and I hated the medicine they gave me. Kaleb said I was groaning during the c-section and it was worrying him. When they pulled tage out, I was so drugged and out of it, I didn't even care, I was like, whatever! Then they put me out, and a couple hours later I woke up and I was like"where the crapt is my baby!!!" so they brought tage in, this little guy with huge hands and feet. He weighed 6 lbs. 10 oz. and was 17 and a half inches long. he had a little bit of dark brown fuzz on his head and I instantly fell in love with him. I had been so worried my whole pregnancy that I wouldn't love him as much as I loved celine, I just didn't think it was possible!! But then you realize that your love is not divided, it is just added upon. Me and tage spent four wonderful days in the hospital together, and it has been an adventure ever since!
Tage was so opposite of celine. Where celine was slow to smile and slow to warm up to people, tage loved everyone! From the time he learned how to smile, he smiled at everyone, and he melted everyones heart with his big brown eyes! As he got older his hair turned blonde, and for some reason it was the little old grandmas and grandpas that couldn't resist tage, they would come up to us in the store to smile at him and they would give him candy and quarters. He was the most adorable little boy. Tage opened up a whole new world to me of car sounds, trucks, swords, guns, gun noises, pokemon, legos, bakugan...I could go on and on. Having a boy has been a great adventure and learning experience for me. My tage is the class clown, he loves to make people laugh, he is goofy and silly and crazy and sometimes I think he is really strange. He loves his friends and would rather play then do anything else in the world. But tage is also my most emotional child, he gives me the most hugs and likes to snuggle or just be by me, but he is still all boy. He can be laughing one minute and crying the next. Life is either wonderful for him or it sucks. He has extremes in his mood and personality, and while that can make him difficult to live with, I wouldn't have him any other way. When tage is happy, he is the funnest person to be around. I love this little boy so much, but I guess that he is not so little any more. I can't believe that he is 8 and is going to be baptized, I am so proud of him, and can't wait to see what kind of young man he turns into.
Happy Birthday Tage!! I love you so much, you are such a handsome boy and I am so proud to call you my son!!!

Shoe Addicts Anonomous

Hi, my name is meg, and I am a shoe addict. I am not ashamed of my addiction, in fact, I flaunt in frequently. I can be walking along having a perfectly normal day, and then, I see them...I hear them...THE SHOES!! They are calling my name! Red ones, black ones, green, blue, yellow, purple, orange, pink, white...it doesn't matter, I have them in every color. I want them, I can't reisist!!! High heels, stilettos, flats, wedges, peep toes, ballet, I want them all. Can I just walk away from them???

Kaleb built me a wonderful closet with 7 shelves for all of my shoes. He thought I would never be able to fill them...welllll......I did...

and the floor...and kalebs floor on his side....and I even just gave a bunch of shoes to DI. at least 8 pairs. I might have a problem. I love shoes. Just looking at them makes me happy. Sigh.....

The clothes natzi

So, this is what kaleb calls me because I insist that my kids wear clothes that actually match! Kaleb thinks I should let our children express their unique selves by wearing whatever they feel like throwing together, he says I am cutting off their ability to express themselves and their individuality......so what!!! My kids have to match, I am kind of anal about it. Am I wrong? Should I let my son go to school looking homeless so that he can "express" himself. I always tell the story about when I had aliah and celine came to the hospital dressed in the most AWFUL outfit ever. Capri pants with different colors of hibiscus flowers and colored patches and a long sleeve olive green shirt with a purple paisley print. Kaleb was so proud of himself, and of her, and I was mortified, especially when his aunt made a comment about it. Now, this does not extend to anyone else, other moms can let their kids dress however they want and it doesn't bother me, but when it comes to my kids....well...I guess I AM the clothes natzi!

Megs blonde moment...

Every night before I go to bed I let our dog max out to use the bathroom. So last night I let him out and he was taking a while to do his business and I was getting impatient. Finally I said, Max, use the potty...1...2.... and then I realized that he is a dog and has no idea what counting to three means!!!! DUH!!!!

Nuttin...

How sad that there is nothing too exciting going on in my life, nothing to blog about. Usually I have a hundred ideas running through my head about what I want to blog about...but lately...nuttin!!! Tages 8th birthday is a week from today and his birthday party is tomorrow. He and a bunch of friends are going on a space mission at the Christa McAuliff Space Center. If your kids have never done this, it is awesome!! They have jr. missions for 7-9 year olds and then regular missions for ages 10+. The nice thing is you just drop your kids off, and they take care of the whole thing. I just have to pick them up two hours later. That is my kind of a birthday party. After his party I will concentrate on his real birthday, and then get ready for his baptism.

I have this underlying sadness lately that I don't always notice, but then it will hit me. I know I am a broken record about this, but I am having a hard time with my kids getting older. 12, 8 and 6 this year seem like big milestones to me, where did the time go?? I have had to go to a few playdays with my friends without aliah because she was at school, and I always feel a little out of place. My stage in life with my kids will always be different then those of my friends, and sometimes I love it and sometimes I am envious. I will probably be having grandkids while my friends are still having babies!!!!!AAHHHH!!  I keep hoping that I will enjoy this next stage of our family life, I just don't know what to expect.

On the good side, life IS good. We thoroughly enjoyed the awesome weather last week and that makes a yucky day like today hard to take. Our dog Max is getting bigger and we are having so much fun with him. I really am grateful for my life, I try to focus on the positive things and not the negative and thats the best I can do!! :0)

Comfortable in my own skin....?

I am having an insecure day today, but then I always do the day after my dance class. For some reason I am the "fat" girl in my dance class, and I always leave feeling quite insecure about my "curves" or in other words, the junk in my trunk!! Will I ever feel comfortable about my body??? Does any woman feel comfortable with her own body? I would love to talk to one that does. Since November of last year I have lost 15  lbs. and most of the time feel pretty proud of myself, but other times, its just not enough. I feel so self conscious about how I look, and about how I think others are looking at me. I DO want to be the skinny girl, I won't lie, I want slim hips and slim thighs but that wasn't the body that I was born with. Will I ever think that I was BLESSED with this body??? I hope so. I am one of those insecure people who think that it depends on how skinny I am on if people will like me or not. I know, so lame...and who cares????Hopefully I feel more secure about my inner beauty, which I know is so much more important. But wouldn't it be great to feel as good on the outside as you do on the inside....

Tagged by Amy!

6th folder, 6th picture

How appropriate that it would be a picture of the three little people i love most in this world. this was in 2007, we took the kids to build a bear for valentines day, which was also celines birthday. Have you taken your kids to build a bear?? If not, it is definenlty a trip you need to do at least once, the kids LOVE picking out the bear, sound, clothes, stuffing it, naming it ect...ect...aren't they just adorable??? and of course each stuffed animal represents each child well. tage has the jazz bear, celines bears shirt says ANGEL on it and aliahs is of course a fairy princess. perfect.

Happy Birthday to a very special little boy...

Two years ago on March 13th a very special little boy came quickly in and out of our lives. My nephew carson was only with us on this earth for a few short hours, but he changed my life for good. No one who met him could not be a better person for it. You never think that something like this will happen to you or someone you know, and it was an experience I will always be grateful for, even though it was very painful. Watching Jamie and Luke have such courage and strength throughout this experience strengthened my testimony and I have an admiration for them that I can't put into words. They are my heros. I am so grateful that they let us share in Carsons few short hours, I know how very special he was and is. He was too perfect to stay here on this earth and got to go strait back to heaven. I still miss him and think of him often. My kids never got to meet their cousin, but it affected them as well. They had lots of questions to ask about him and why this had happened, it was a great learning experience about the gospel and eternity and about why sometimes things like this happen. I am grateful to know that families are forever and that Carson is my family and we will be with him some day. I am grateful to this little boy for making me take a look at my own life and appritiate all that I have, and hold my kids a little tighter and a little longer than maybe I normally would. Going through this with Carson made me try harder to live better, so that I CAN return to heaven and be with my family some day. I love this special little angel and I look forward to the day in heaven, I hope he is there, calling me his "Auntie Meg" like his brother hunter. Jamie and Luke are two of the most amazing people I know and I know how lucky Carson and hunter and hallie are to have them as parents.
Uncle "paula" with carson. Even in this sad circumstance, Kaleb couldn't help but be the great uncle that he is.

Saying hello and goodbye to my nephew carson. We miss you buddy!!!

My Tage....

I took pictures yesterday of Tage in his new suit for his baptism announcements. I thought I would post one since he looks so darn handsome!! He is getting baptized next month and it is just one more thing that is reminding me that my kids are growing up and my life is passing by. It is always these monumental moments that are hard for me, I don't know why. But he will be 8 years old on the 30th of this month. I am so glad that I have tage for my son, it has been an entirely new experience for me to emerge myself in a boys world, since I had all sisters. It has been so fun and weird at the same time. I feel so blessed that I get to experience raising a son along with my daughters, I wouldn't have it any other way.

Its just too fast....I'm not ready....

I knew this day was coming, I tried to prepare....but I really wasn't AT ALL!!! Celine had orientation today at the Jr. High, I went with her for moral support, but really, it was to help me realize that this is really happening, that my daughter is GOING TO JR. HIGH!!! As we sat there listening about all the wonderful (???) things that will happen in Jr. High, I started having anxiety and  feeling sick to my stomach, I thought i might throw up!! I just about had a panic attack!!! Am I ready to let my daughter really use her wings?? I feel like going to Jr. High is a whole new world, a big step for her....and a HUGE step for me as her mom.  I am not ready to let her out into that scary world. Of course she is all excited for this next stage in life...me....I could do with going back a few steps, like back to KINDERGARTEN!!! But, I know this is an important part of her growing up. As her mom all I can do is guide her the best I can and be there for her when she needs me. I have tried to impart all of my jr. high wisdom that I can think of to celine, but I am asking ALL OF YOU to give your BEST ADVICE to her about what you wish you would've known before going to Jr. High and I will pass it on. Some of you may be getting phone calls in the next few months if I feel the need to cry a little about my little girl becoming a young woman....

First Impressions...

First impressions are a funny thing, I would say that most of the time they are wrong, or just not that right. A lady in my ward told me yesterday that she thinks I have so much self confidence! I wanted to laugh, because I feel so opposite! It seems most of the time I am struggling not to feel intimidated by those around me, to convince myself that my thighs and hips aren't huge....to put it simply I don't feel very self confidant. And it made me think a lot about first impressions. One of my best friends in the whole world, when I first met her, I thought she was a total, onery snot!! She worked with one of my other best friends and when I met her, that was my first impression. Boy was I wrong!! She is the sweetest, nicest person ever. And once in high school one of my really good friends told me she thought that I came across as a snot to people who didn't know me. That devestated me!!! I felt like I was anything but! So, maybe I am opening a big can of worms here, but I would love to know what peoples first impressions were of me. So, leave a comment for me letting me know, and if you want, I will do the same for you!!