2004

I want to go back to the year 2004. I had a sweet, blonde hair almost 7 year old daughter, the cutest thing ever with a low voice almost 3 year old son and a brand new 3 month old with a whole head of black hair daughter. I want to go back to the hardness of having little kids. The crying, the constant need for attention, food, changing, entertaining. Where my biggest stress was when my kids were driving me crazy because we had been in the house all day. I want to go back. I want to go back to being 24, not having depression, thinking all was great in my life and I was happy all the time. I never questioned anything back then. I want to go back to when I trusted everyone, I never questioned any of my friendships, I just took for granted that they would always be that way. I want to go back to before my kids had real friends, that I was the biggest part of their world, and I could control most things in their world. I want to go back to when I was the most important person to them, they preferred me over anyone. I don't want to  see the sadness and heartache that comes with becoming a pre-teen, a teenager and then an adult. I don't want to see my kids struggle with friends, gossip, rumors, mean words and hurtful actions. I don't want them to realize how cruel this world can be.  I don't want them to find out that sometimes the people you love the most hurt you the most, and that you can't always trust those you think you can. That the people you think you can count on no matter what can turn on you. I hope I have taught them that family is always there. Mom, dad, brother, sister. Those are the people you can count on. I hope they know they can always come home and find a friend and shoulder to cry on or someone to laugh with. I hope they feel most safe and comfortable at home. I want to go back to when I didn't have to send them off everyday, hoping they can get through the day without me. This is hard, this year, this phase. It hurts, it breaks my heart. I know what its like to go through all this things, I've been there, done that. And I don't ever want to go back. But I will go through it again with them, my kids. And I will help them get through it the best I can, with the least amount of heartache. Yes, today, if I could, I would go back to 2004. To my angel, my bubby, my princess. I would gladly stay home all day and listen to the crying and whining if I could not have them go through this now.