This post comes with a warning:

WARNING:

this post is full of emotional downage on my part, because that is how I am feeling. If you don't like to read other peoples downs, don't read this. If you don't believe in depression, don't read this. If you don't like it when people share their dirty laundry with the world, don't read this. If you are a person who won't admit that your own life isn't perfect, don't read this. This is me, if you don't like it, don't read it.

I randomly came across this post the other day while reading a friends blog. I now believe it was a little heaven sent.

http://www.danoah.com/2010/09/disease-called-perfection.html

A few years ago I was diagnosed with depression, and, with the help of my husband, came to REALIZE it. I took medication for about a year and half and it truly helped. I thought that I had overcome it. I thought that I had it beat. But then, lately, some things have started popping up in my head that aren't normal. Thoughts like, people don't really like you. People don't really want to be around you. You're not good enough. And I noticed. And I knew that my depression was creeping in through the back door, hoping not to be noticed. And though I realized what was happening, I couldn't help but FEEL like it was real. If a friend told me they couldn't hang out one day, I would sit home and cry, sure that that person really just didn't want to be around me. If kaleb had other plans on a night when I was home, I would be sad all night. Things like this began happening every day. In the midst of all this, I read this article, and I cried. Because it was as if it was written about me. I truly believe ( or at least myself tells me I do) that people will only like me if I'm perfect. If I am always fun to be around, and always dressed right, if my hair is always done and I always say the right thing and I never get too fat and my house is always clean. I tell myself that people don't like people who are depressed, who feel down, who are overweight, who may be weird sometimes, who dont always say the right thing, who isn't the life of the party. The other part of me tells myself that I am the only one who feels this way. Everyone else is secure, everyone else is beautiful and fun and PERFECT! But then came this article, and I am reading that everyone feels this way at some point. And I know that all that I think and feel is wrong, but how do I get my head and heart to agree? So that is where I am now, trying to get all parts of me to agree. Telling myself over and over, it isn't true, you have friends, people like you, you are a good person. And I keep hoping if I say it enough, eventually I will beat down this thing called depression. And then I realize that I am lucky and blessed, because I have a husband who sat down and listened to all my rantings and fears and worries, and then he says these things right along with me. You are good, you are beautiful, you aren't worthless, people like you, I like you. And slowly I can feel myself coming back to the light. I don't want to feel the pressure of trying to be perfect. And I know nobody else does either. We are all just human trying to get through this life with as much joy as possible. And it makes it even better if we can help each other along the way. I know I will be ok, I know I will get through this. I know.