Blessings.

I feel really strongly that I need to blog about some experiences that I have had in the last little while. The first one has to do with aliah. Almost a month ago, she woke up one morning and couldn't find her itouch anywhere. She had just gotten it for christmas so she hasn't even had it that long. We looked everywhere. She was so upset, crying and crying as we looked. I finally pulled her aside and told her, I want you to go say a prayer that we will find it, then I want you to leave it up to Heavenly Father and I don't want you to worry about it anymore. So she went in her room, knelt down and said a prayer. When she came out she was smiling. She told me she felt better and she knew we would find it. I sent her off to school and then offered up my own prayer. I knew this could be a great testimony building experience for aliah, if it was meant that we would find it. but I also knew that there was a chance that we wouldnt find it. Even as an adult, my faith is sometimes weak. All day I  looked everywhere in the house and I was starting to worry. Right before she got home from school I had a very distinct prompting that when she got home I needed to look in her backpack. The first thing she asked when she got home was if I had found it. I told her no, then I remembered that I needed to look in her backpack. And are you even surprised that it was in there?? Aliah went and said another prayer of thanks. And I did too. It was such a great experience for both of us.
Since January, we have seriously had one financial crisis after another. My medical bills, one of our condos had water damage/mold which means replacing lots of walls, carpet ect....Kaleb bought me my beautiful new car, which I am totally in love with, but, hey, it wasn't free. Then celines car had problems, which we fixed SOME of them and still more needing to be fixed. I stress about $$ so much, but I know that Kaleb bears the brunt of it himself. Poor guy. I always feel guilty. I don't know anyone who works harder than he does. Anyways.....2 weeks ago when I had to take celines car in, kaleb called to tell me that it was almost a thousand dollar repair. WTH????  I was driving in my car when I talked to kaleb, I was by myself. When I hung up with him I just prayed out loud to Heavenly Father. I told him that whatever lesson we were needing to learn from all this financial stress, could he please help us learn it fast?? I was feeling very frustrated, and guilty, and stressed. I hate feeling this way, especially since I don't know what to do to help. When I got home I got on Facebook, and someone had posted this scripture:
Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. 
In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. 
-Proverbs 3:5-6
It hit me so hard, I knew that scripture had been put there for me. It was my own small little miracle and answer to a prayer. I instantly felt better. Our troubles didn't go away, but I stopped being afraid.
Well, fast forward to today. Kaleb had boughten a Lowes gift card from his brother that had a few hundred dollars on it, because one of our condos we rent needs a new dishwasher. I got a text from kaleb asking me if I had seen the gift card because he couldnt find it. He guessed it must have fallen out of his wallet. You think I would know better than to lose faith, but I did, just for a minute. Because we just couldn't afford to lose that gift card and have to pay even more money for this dishwasher.  I started praying hard that we would be able to find the gift card, and then  I asked aliah if she would pray too. At that moment I knew she had a lot more faith than I did. I again, was driving in my car, alone. I felt so angry, so bitter. I was asking Heavenly Father what we had done wrong. We were trying to live a good life and be good people. I was frustrated that these things kept happening to us, I just felt that we couldn't deal with any more blows like this. I was driving around aimlessly just trying  to work out my feelings towards god and faith at this moment. I finally told him that I wasn't mad at him, that I knew that this was just part of life. That even if we didn't find that gift card, I would never lose my faith. I know it seems silly that at that moment I had to decide over such a small thing. But, in that moment, it did not feel small. Not 5 minutes later did kaleb text me and tell me that he had found it. I know, without a doubt, that God is involved in the small matters of our lives. That he knows us and loves us, each one of us.  I am reading back and thinking that yes, these seem like such small, insignificant moments, but they made a world of difference to me. I also feel a little ashamed that I doubted, even for a minute. But I am human and I make mistakes. I came home and felt that I needed to blog about these experiences as a way to express my gratitude, and also so that I can remember these moments. I know that life is hard, and will keep on being hard, but I am blessed. Beyond measure. Beyond what I deserve. My heart is so full.