Hello

I really miss posting on my blog, but on the other hand, it just seems so overwhelming to do it. But I miss it. You may not know this about me, but I have a really hard time talking about how I feel to people. So, there were days when I needed to talk, so I would come to my blog and write. And I knew that even though I didn't know who was reading it, it was kind of like telling someone how I was feeling. I knew someone was reading it, so, in a way, I was sharing how I felt. The hardest part of opening up for me is trying to realize that people care about me. I have a hard time with that. I know people care in a general kind of way, but do they really want to know the nitty-gritty?? The other day, I had a bad day. And I really needed someone to talk to, to unload myself on and feel loved. And I started to panic, because I couldn't think of one person I could call that would care about what I was feeling. Now, I know thats not true, I know that I could call several people who would be more than willing to listen to whatever sob story I had going on that day. But on my worst days, I forget that. Luckily, Kaleb has to listen to me whether he wants to or not :) so I did end up having someone to talk too. I know Kaleb is always there to listen to me, but sometimes I need a girl. You all know what I am talking about. I had to stop using my blog as a way of talking about my feelings. I have to "woman" up, put my big girl panties on and actually talk to people I care about how I am feeling. I don't know why that is so hard for me, but I am trying.  No matter what I have going on in my life, when people ask how I am I always say: "fine, great." When sometimes life is anything but. I want to say, you know, I am having the worst day and I could really use a friend and just someone to talk too. That is definitely something I am working on. So, if any of you reading this feel like I do, and have a hard time talking about how you feel, call me, text me, email me, whatever. I am always willing to listen and give some love. And I know that most people feel that way. We all just have to learn how to trust each other.