Its late sunday night. I am glad to be home. I am glad its almost august, and I am glad that school will be starting in 3 weeks. It has been an amazing summer for me and my family. So many high points, I can hardly think of what it was like to have the kids gone every day, but I will be reminded of it soon. Am I ready to have that free time every day? I feel like this year has been such a year of growth and change for me as a person. I think of my life a year ago, and I just feel different. In mostly good ways. I will be 34 in exactly 1 month. I can't believe that I am going to be that age! I remember being 17, 21, 27, 30!! Now I am almost middle 30's, it feels so crazy that life has gone by so fast. I had a moment at the beginning of summer, where my depression just threatened to overtake my life again. I felt so low. And then, I had a thought, about a friend of my parents, who has suffered from depression for years, and what a sad person she is. I had an epiphany, I do not want to be that person. In 10 years from now, I don't want my life to be ruled by my depression. I decided I was going to take control. And I did. I decided that no matter what, I was never going to give into my depression again. And I have felt so good. I have had hard days, and hard moments, and moments where I wanted to cave in. But I am a strong person. I can do hard things. I want to be a light. And that moment has changed me. I feel so much better about myself, who I am, what I am doing. I am choosing how I let people make me feel. I am choosing the people I let into my heart, and the ones I am keeping out. I am tired of feeling hurt by people I thought I could trust, so, I just am not. Maybe it is selfish of me, but honestly, I don't care anymore. I know what I am worth. I know my friendship is worth a lot. I am so happy being home with my family. Hanging out with my kids, watching their lives develop and them grow up. I am so happy being with Kaleb, I am constantly reminded of why I married him. I am so happy having the gospel in my life, and the way it fills me. I love being in young woman's, I love the woman I get to work with, and the girls I get to be a leader too. They have such a big part of my heart. I am grateful for the ups and the downs, and the moments when I know I am being blessed and I am happy. Its nice to see that I am still growing up. I don't know why I feel so reflective tonight. Maybe its because I know the summer is coming to an end, and it has been such a great summer. And I want to remember all the things about this summer. My blog has seriously been neglected this year, but I never want to stop writing and recording our life.
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