Hello World!

Hello blogging world! I took a very, very, very long break. I probably will take another one after this post. But I have thought about writing this for a long time. The day I wrote my last post, our lives took a pretty dramatic turn. The last 5 1/2 months have been hard, scary, but so much growth and testimony building opportunities, and I am a better person, my marriage is more amazing, my family is more humble and grateful, my husband is more my hero. 

For 17 1/2 years Kaleb has worked in the family business, and for a long time it has not been a healthy place for him. I have seen his sadness, waking up every morning and dreading the day. When the person you love most in this world is suffering, you suffer right along with them. And I watched him suffer, for a long time. I watched with a heartache I could not describe, and could do nothing about. I knew for a long time that he needed a big change in his life, but it was up to him to decide to do it.  The day he came home and told me he had quit his job, you think my first reaction would have been panic and fear. But, i was happy. I was happy for him.  I KNEW this was the right thing to do. And in that split second, I knew so many things. That it was going to be hard, that we were going to be tested, that there would be moments that I would have to choose to support him no matter what. But also, that eventually, we would be ok. And that kaleb would be happier, and our family would be better for it, and our marriage would grow because of it. 

Basically we were starting over. He took a job making not even enough money to cover our monthly living expenses, just to get some experience. He made a decision and started heading in that direction, doing all that he could to support our family, and still try to go in the direction he felt best. I am going to tell the truth, there have been moments when I have been so paralyzed by fear, that we were not going to be able to make it a few more days, how were we going to pay our bills, and live, and survive?? But because I have a Heavenly Father who loves me infinitely, in every one of those moments, when my heart would cry out in prayer to him to please help me not be afraid, to help us survive just a few more days, he answered those prayers every time. He has reassured me that even though it might be hard getting there, eventually we are going to be ok. My faith and my testimony have grown daily, as I have witnessed that even through hard times, we have been so blessed. We keep making it one more day. I have witnessed prayers being answered and hearts being softened. I have seen my husband, through the stress and worry, be happy with what he is doing. He works so hard for our family, harder than anyone I know. He does it all for us, because he loves us. Our 18 year anniversary is next week. After 18 years, I just want you all to know, that I still learn to love him more all the time. I am still amazed by him, he is my hero. And I am so proud of him, more than he probably could even realize.  I know that we are not to the end of this trial yet. We still have more to do, more to get through, more to survive. But I look at it and I know that I can do it, that we can do it. And our family will all be better for it. We have all learned to be more grateful. 

There was a time not so long ago in my life, where I truly did not want to be me anymore. I am happy to say that that is no longer the case. I am so grateful to be me, to have the life I have, with all its ups and downs, to have my family, my friends, my eternal partner and so many other wonderful people in my life. The greatest thing to me is to be able to look back through our trial, and see the blessings, and to know that we are being watched over.